I believe that media is the first start to shaking up the divide between Black men and women. Media portrays Black men as possessing negative stereotypes such as "lazy", "deadbeat", and "non-trustworthy". These portrayals, although negative and internalized, are accepted and bought into by popular culture. The most popular artists in music today still continue to refer to women as "b****es" and "h**s" which makes both men and women look bad. It's already one thing being called the "B" word, but placing Black in front of it sends a message that all Black women are this one-dimensional negative image that is not suitable for relationships. In every Black movie or sitcom that sales, Blacks are not given the most positive of images. In fact, these positive images become much more difficult to find even still today. My suggestion is to have more media outlets where Blacks are portrayed positively, where Black marriages are glorified instead of quick "hook-ups".
Secondly, instilling these values in Black communities through Black couples giving back is crucial. I don't think Black couples who work towards making their marriages last realize how much of a value resides in witnessing that. If these couples were to perhaps share their messages for making their relationships work to their friends, children, etc., a huge change could occur just from that. Seeing the Obama's is one thing but hearing about their methods of making their marriage work is a completely different one.
Another option to resolving the issues addressed by Chapman is to perhaps hold seminars on marriage early on. Instilling the value of marriage and these goals early on, perhaps starting even in high school could be a resolve for these issues. Instead of glorifying quick relationships; teaching and instilling values of what a healthy and meaningful relationship can be so influential in reducing the detriment faced by Blacks in the field of marriage.
The article in the New York Times about being "Black, Female and Single" is completely relevant to today's times. This issue was even brought up in class when talking about how Black women are waiting later to get marriage and values of 'finishing school' and 'getting a good career' are placed at the top of the list of goals before marriage. I'm not at all saying this is a bad thing, but I think it definitely makes it easier to forget about the value of marriage. Pressure put on by family members and friends also plays a major role because I have even been asked why I'm single or not in a relationship and I'm only 22. These issues are very relevant and very real in the Black community.
Take a look for yourself. The below videos feature some of these messages that are imposed upon Black men and women. These messages are not only exposed and often internalized within the Black community, but are accepted as the "norm" for how Blacks are around the world!
All in the name of "entertainment" right? I think it's far more than that!
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"African-American Women and the Male-Female Relationship Dilemma: A Counseling Perspective", is an article by Bethea that goes over the various ways African-American relationships are impacted and gives solutions to counseling for these situations. Bethea draws attention to similar points that Chapman reaches to hi-light. Stereotypes that are believed by Black men and women about each other are the dividing factor between the two sexes. Bethea notes that these stereotypes have affected the Black family because it's pinned Black men and Black women against one another. These parasitic stereotypes have caused a rift between Black men and Black women by making neither one seem desirable.
The three areas of approach that need to be addressed in counseling African-Americans according to Bethea are Loss, Effective Communication, and confronting negative stereotypes. Loss deals with the loss of a dating partner or physicality. Communication is on the conflict-resolution piece of a relationship. Stereotypes deal more-so with the negative thoughts that Black men and Black women carry about each other.
In my opinion these are great methods to solving issues faced in the Black community in relationships. I believe that mentorship, as mentioned in the first piece, is crucial as well. Hearing positive things not just from a counselor, but also from peers and family members can help tremendously in altering relationships between Black men and women.
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"What Mama Couldn't Tell us About Love" by Richardson and Wade confront issues that link back to slavery. Two that stood out to me were: "I'm not good enough to be loved" and "I'll lose anyone who gets close to me". These two stood out the most because I have had the most encounters with both whether directly or indirectly via friends and acquaintances.
The "I'm not good enough to be loved" piece dates back to slavery because of the stripping of identity that happened then. This denouncement of boldness, strength, culture and pride that has been happening since slaves were taken from their land, gives way to a lack of sense of self and culture. This can lead to a crippling insecurity that one is at the bottom of all choices.
"I'll lose anyone who gets close to me" also links back to slavery because during slavery whole families were torn apart. Husbands and wives were taken from one another, children were stripped from the hands of their mothers, and siblings were separated. This can easily cause someone to believe that they are incapable of getting close to anyone.
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In "Being a Man About It: Manhood Meaning Among African American Men", men in the study describe manhood as "an interconnected state of being", "a fluid developmental process", "a redemptive process" and "a proactive course".
Manhood as an interconnected state of being means that manhood goes beyond the mean himself. It's more of a meaning that ties in with family and others. This leaves manhood to be more interdependent than independent. Taking care of others and oneself as well is a big part of this.
Manhood as a fluid developmental process deals with the facet of manhood that is a continuum. No culmination is ever reached but instead, an ongoing process of progression as a man is presented.
Manhood as a redemptive process means "redemption" from one's past and an ability to regain one's motives through positive action.
Manhood as a proactive course entails being able to anticipate a change that may offset the equilibrium and being progressive about solutions to these potential discourses.
The top two themes emerging as prominent for men in this study were Responsibility-Accountability with 48.7% and Autonomy with 21.7%. Responsibility-Accountability makes sense because men are hunters, from the beginning of civilization it has been this way. The want to be responsible for self, family and others seems, in my opinion, appropriate as #1 for the male role. Autonomy, as we saw in the video in class, seems very important. The husband was extremely upset when he felt that his decision was discounted in the situation of his daughter being able to date or not. Here the autonomy is seen because he wanted to be able to have a say-so in the decision making process.
I really like the suggestions you came up for black couples based on the Chapman article. For black people to have a media outlet solely ran by them that produces only POSITIVE images of African Americans would be a powerful tool. If this media outlet could be something that is seen widespread by both blacks, whites, and other races a lot we could possibly begin to revamp the negative stereotypes of African Americans. Secondly your idea that Black couples who have been successful in overcoming obstacles in their marriage should mentor other young couples and share their stories more often seems so simple. It's so simple people often don't even think about it, but I think this as well could make a huge impact on the black community. Seeing those who have made their marriages work and defied the negative ideologies of what black men and women are is a true testament to the enduring character of black strength. Also marriage seminars would be a great idea too. I really think there needs to be a HUGE emphasis on revamping male-female relationships as purely sexual. We get this engrained in us all through the media in everything we see, and thus the state of black families (or the fact that so many are headed by single parents) reflects what we have accepted and began to embody. I feel like it would be a great world when we could see or hear negative images of relationships that solely focus on sex and reach a consensus that love is and should be so much more than that. The videos you posted further shows the negative stereotypes that we are sharing and further perpetuating on the world wide web, which goes back to your point of need a black media outlet that shares positive messages.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you about the negative connotations the media portrays. If instead of portraying African Americans as “lazy” or the “b” word for the women they should portray them in a better light. One would think that today the media would be getting better but there are still lots of movies, TV shows, and music videos that have such negative stereotypes in them. Hopefully the media can start changing a little faster and instead of showing African Americans negatively they can show them in a positive light. I watched the videos and I realize they are always being posted and watched but the sad thing is that so many people think it is funny. If people would realize that the videos are not funny but actually hurtful towards the African American community then we as a society would be on the right track. I agree also with your other two suggestions. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you and Sholeh. Just to kind of build on what Sholeh commented about the positive aspect of qualities in black men and women, even to embrace qualities that are attributed to them in a positive way. I understand why the independent black woman stereotype is negatively associated. However, even to have a society in a place where they can respect the strong woman and appreciate her, would be an amazing reverse in socialization.
ReplyDeleteI definately agree with you when you say that the media has shooken up the division between black males and females. I feel like now the media has portrayed this image that it is ok to disrespect each others. With use of words like "niggas", "bitches", and "hoes" has reevaluated the level of respect that black men and women have for each other. I do agree that blacks have inceptualized this and now the level of respect is weary for black women. They have accepted being disrespected and this has set a very low precedent on how they want to be treated. I truly believe that if you dont respect yourself then nobody else will. I truly agree with you when you say that successful black couples need to realize the importance of giving back TOGETHER. You have made some very valid points in your post.
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